Question

As-Salamu `Alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh (May Allah’s Peace, Mercy, and Blessings be upon you!)
I am a twenty-two year old girl. Alhamdulillah, I am well-mannered, but I have been through a stage which I cannot describe. The problem is that I despise myself abnormally, even though I am pretty and content with Allah’s Destiny. When I have trouble with someone, I get angry, start to record my feelings on paper, and I solve my problems myself after seeking the help of Allah.
I get Satanic insinuations even in the most trivial things, yet people see me on the top and more fortunate. Sometimes, anger and fear increases inside me, so I use sexual stimuli, and when I embrace a friend of mine, I feel an attraction. Moreover, I fear to look into the eyes of my male brothers and talk to them for a long time. I fear to be a lesbian and I fear that Allah would punish me for my rebellion and sin. Ahamdulillah, I am interested in developing myself, and I am superb in my study but I have no patience. I feel that I do not enjoy life although everybody bears witness that I am joyful and bring convenience! I delay Salah so often, and my relationship with the Qur’an is beautiful but I do not read it constantly, I feel that my conscience is dead and that I am insensitive to some things! All I need to know what is wrong with me without resorting to a psychiatrist. I do not want to go into a dark maze.

Answer

Dear sister, we ask Allah to make you content with the lawful, and to grant you of His Favors.

In the beginning, I ask Allah to help you for His Obedience, and to direct you away from what concerns you.

I can see in you many great qualities a girl should have, so keep your excellence in study, and make your primary focus on graduation with honors.

Look at the wonderful qualities you have, accept yourself as you are, do not blame or criticize yourself, and reckon yourself only for sins.

Forget about what you used to do in the past, wipe it off your memory as it never existed, and consider it a passing behavior.

Look at yourself again, plan for your goals, and try to achieve them; this in regard to your look to yourself; and now I shall say to you what is happening.

What happens to you is natural and happens to all human beings, especially at this age where physiological and physical changes take place followed by a change in thinking and concerns.

You can bypass that by maintaining Salah in its due time, frequent fasting and mentioning Allah which will reduce these fantasies you have toward men.

You also have to change the way of expressing yourself and anger and keep away from sexual stimuli. When you feel severe anger, you should go perform ablution and pray two Rak`ahs or walk for a while and take a deep breath.

Also, you should write all you have in mind if you want to keep it or tear it up.

Find a way to release your anger and repeat it frequently such as: I like to cook, arrange my room, or take a walk…etc., and by the passage of time, you will find yourself accustomed to it and practice it automatically at the time of anger.

Do not stay along, and when you sit with someone, bear in mind that each one has his own interests and goals in life, and sexual interests are only a tiny part of it. Look at their achievements and success which they reached by focusing on their goals and setting a balance between their needs.

If a good husband proposes to you, accept him to protect yourself in a time of trials and seditions.

Busy yourself with hard work and hobbies which need an effort and thinking. And when you finish them, you shall not find a scope of thinking of something else where you shall be exhausted, tired, and need to sleep.

Try to reduce stimulant drinks, such as coffee and tea, and replace them with calmative herbs such as mint and chamomile.

In conclusion, I ask Allah to grant you success and happiness in your life.